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Once upon a time, there was a great flood. God told a man named Noah to build a big boat and put two of each animal inside. Noah promised to obey Him.
Noah knew the ark and all the animals would run him about $35 at Toys R Us, so when he found one for only $7 at a consignment sale, he realized God was indeed on his side. But when he brought his ark home, he realized one very important creature was missing... a female lion. 
Noah spent months searching the nearby land of Ebay for a lioness. Finally, he managed to find one- but she wouldn't leave without her mate. Reluctantly, he arranged for the pair to be sent to his home.
Now the consignment lion was sad. He could hear the lioness and her mate making funny noises all night long. He felt very lonely.
It wasn't long before the lioness and her mate got bored. They asked the consignment lion to join them. He was very happy. The trio was so incredibly happy, in fact, that another lion from the nearby zoo came over to see what all the fuss was about.
The two lions adored the zoo lion's flaming orange mane and his exotic smell. They decided to play with him. They played and played and played. The lioness found herself bored, alone and not a little jealous. 
So she took up with a sexy spotted leopard and they lived happily ever after. The end.
41 comments:
That is hilarious. And, might I add, that the "save search" feature on eBay that emails you when coveted items are listed is now my favorite thing in the world.
oh my eyes! the fornication! hold me.
you are TOO funny.
I don't know what took me so long to find you, but I'm not going anywhere now. Todays post was entirely creative and Sam the Stoner and the cursing 3 year old are just as brilliant.
I think I'm gonna like it here.
That is hysterical! You're so talented, that is a lovely childs story to tell during reading time!
Seriously. Actual work in my department is grining to a halt as this post is being emailed around...
This was way too funny for work place reading, I need to bust out with the laughter but had to hold it in.
Ha! You are dedicated to look for a lioness on eBay. I would've just told the boys Noah accidentally shot her.
You are a dirty dirty girl and I can see you too like playing with your kids toys,
LMAO, way to go to the lioness. Leopards are sexy.
Oh and the fact that you EVEN searched for a lion is indeed pretty fantastical, I would have just made the lion get it on with the zoo lion. :0)
Good for lioness. Those silly males...they should have appreciated her a little more I guess!
We also have the ark set. Don't you think the lioness looks more like a bear or something?
Hilarious! Aren't kids toys great?!?!
My favorite bible passage of my childhood was always the one about the sexy spotted leopard. Thanks for bringing up such good memories!
Baby is going to have all this Bible stuff down pat. Can't wait til she old enough to go to Sunday School (or the equivilant) and tell her teachers all she's learned.
This sort of thing is enough to make me go all religious. Hallelujah!
Hahaha. You are a nut!
Now, tell us about how that leopard got his spots...
LOL! This is my first visit, but definitely not my last. You give good plastic animal stories. :-)
That is all pretty Brokeark Mountain.
Hilarious stuff, I am thinking you have too much time on your hands though LOL
You need to write more, get out more or get more or SOMETHING! You are having too much fun and we're all jealous.
Very clever and hilarious!
You've done it again. That was brilliant.
I once did a post about a scandal between the Little People school bus driver and Jessica, the slutty white Little People character. Only mine was about a story I had actually made up in my mind when I was staying home with my son. Um, yeah. It's probably better that I spend 8 hours a day in the office now.
OH, how FUNNY!! I also thought a nod to an Oscar nominee was on the way, but you were tricky!
The plastic people are adding to our collective enjoyment--thanks! :-)C
That is hilarious. I would have gladly sent you a lioness since I have every single damn Little People item that has been produced, thanks to the generosity of others. My daughter wouldn't have noticed.
I have some of the Little People clowns from the amusement park you may have. I really hate clowns.
Definitely the most entertaining thing I ahve seen all day! Love your blog!
Today's lesson: There's someone for everyone!
that is to funny. It is twisted what an adult can do with a few toys and a vivid imagination.
Eee hee hee! Let's hear it for Cat Steven's song, "Love the One You're With!" You cracked me up again, Lucinda!
LOL! I do the SAME thing.
Speaking of Little People...I remember when we got our oldest the school bus. Inside were kids, the bus driver and a black cowboy. Not quite sure why there was a cowboy..guess we got a freebie. Even after we acquired many more FP playsets, I never did have a place that the cowboy could hang out at. He used to just stand off in the distance, lurking creepily at the people and animals in the farm, garage, and Main Street.
eBay...what would we have done without it? I'm presently in the market for the Perfection game pieces.
I love it!
Can't wait til your daughter gets to the Barbie doll stage. I can imagine the juicy tales now!
Oh my! ROFL
And then Noah got drunk. The end.
Hang on...I'm debating on whether or not I can read this to my kid. She's standing right behind me all excited about the toys in the pictures. Would you say this post is PG or PG13? ;-)
I'm laughing so hard, I may have peed a little. And then I came to the sexy spotted leopard and I did pee a little.
This is what happens when Mommy has too much time on her hands!
Girl, you crack me up!!!!
truly one of the funniest things i have ever read. clearly it strikes a note with all us mothers who have to pick up those damn toys every single night!
Your gona get me in trouble at work. Everyone wonders why I am crying with laughter.
oh honey.. you gotta get out more!
I LOVE THIS!!!!
I want one too!
Woman, you are CRAZY. That was so funny. But where do you find the time????
Oh, this one was easy. Baby was hovering nearby, adding her own artistic touches to the scenario.
But usually, the time is called "naptime." Two hours a day all to myself. Period. ;)
oh my, I am so in love with your blog. I wish you were my neighbour.
Even blogger agrees you are cool - the verification is flyxct.
LOL. Very funny.
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