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Now that I'm raising two teens, I'm beginning to believe in karma. Because pretty much everything bad I ever did to my own parents as a teenager is returning to bite me in the butt.
The sullenness, the sassiness, the moodiness, the backtalk... I did it all and then some back in my day- Now I endure it from my stepdaughters with what I'm told is a really awful fake smile that does nothing to cover up my breaking heart. Just a few years ago, my girls made me feel like the best stepmother in the world. Today, they often look at me as if I were Hitler's right hand man, or a zombie fresh from the grave all covered in crusty scabs, or sometimes, Hitler's right hand man fresh from the grave all covered in crusty scabs. And all I was trying to do was get them to clean their rooms, honest!
And before I get too angry or upset, it hits me that I did the same damn thing to my own mother. Worse, if I'm honest. I seriously thought that she was crazy and mean to make me unload the dishwasher every day and I was, frankly, underwhelmed by the Volvo my parents gave me for my 16th birthday. Isn't it interesting that we now have miraculously found a gorgeous, inexpensive Volvo for my stepdaughter to drive, a Volvo I really, secretly am dying to drive myself but can't because it doesn't fit our entire family, and my stepdaughter is totally "meh" about her shiny "new" car? KARMA!
I digress. And... my blood pressure is rising, I can feel it. Where was I? Oh!
If you were anything like me, you've heard from others about how tough it is to raise teenagers and you've laughed indulgently, secretly thinking that your children will never give you trouble like that. Your children are different. They're smarter, more ambitious, better looking. They'll be A students, athletes and (please, God) scholarship winners. But I'm telling those of you with small children, GET READY. In just a few years, your child will take you on the most gut wrenching, hormonal rollercoaster ride of your life. In the time that I've known my stepdaughters, I've seen more than one of their bright, talented childhood friends grow up to become hopeless drug addicts, to get pregnant, or to drop out of school. Even without major mishaps from my own girls, sometimes I feel like I'm living with emotional terrorists. Yes, I know teenagers are prone to mood swings and melodrama, but honestly, it doesn't make it any easier to know that the girls I once was so close to are now dead set on completely shutting me out of their lives.
And the part that no one but another parent in a blended family can understand is the secret resentment I feel to be going through this now, when I have two small children who aren't yet burdened with raging hormones, and to whom I am the sun and the moon and the stars combined. I will never be a mother to young children again; I want to savor this moment and drink it up, without being brought crashing down to earth by the attitudes of my older children. Learning to live happily in between these two extremes is my biggest challenge right now, and honestly, it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
The irony, of course, is that without my older girls, I wouldn't appreciate my younger children half as much. I'd take for granted their endless requests to snuggle, their sloppy kisses and their clumsy hugs. Now, thanks to my stepdaughters, I savor each golden moment. I know that in ten or so years, I'll be going on yet another rollercoaster ride, and judging by all I got away with when I was a teenager? Karma is definitely not done with me yet.
This post originally appeared on Parents.com.
