Oh God, Part II

After letting my computer dry out for three days, I pushed the power button and, miracle of miracles, it started right up!

And then it shut down again. Apparently, I hadn't been specific enough in my "kneemail."

Since the Lord helps those who help themselves, I made an appointment with a "Genius" at the Apple Store. After reading all of your comments, I was just sure that a Genius could fix the problem. All of my programs and files were showing up on the screen, after all- The damned thing just wouldn't stay on longer than ten seconds. Hopefully, the glitch would be an easy (and inexpensive!) one to fix.

With that in mind, I arrived at the Genius Bar at the appointed time and told one of the "Geniuses" my problem.

"My son spilled water on my keyboard," I explained. "It was only a little bit of water. And now the computer starts right up! See? But it won't stay on."

The "Genius" glanced down at my computer, then closed the cover. "Yeah," he said. "In the case of a water spill, we have to send the computer out to a third party for repair. They will repair whatever damage there was for a flat rate of $840."

"I'm sorry, there must have been some mistake," I said, flashing him a sympathetic smile. You see, I made an appointment with a Genius. Not a moron. Could you like, at least take a look at it and try to fix this?" Oh yeah, I said that all right. In my head.

"Your other option," he continued, trying to hide a wolvish grin, "is to buy a new Macbook, at a cost of $1099."

And then I fell down on the floor and died.

Once Hubs revived me, we had a hushed conference while the Moron smirked in front of us. The word "shit" was used, as was "bankruptcy" and "financial ruin." And then Hubs tossed his credit card at me in defeat.

"Okay," I said shakily, turning back to the Moron and holding out the card. "I guess I'm getting a new Macbook." I burst into tears.

"Great," he leered, ignoring my loud sobbing. "I can set up a one on one appointment with one of our specialists to work with you on exactly what you need. They will walk you through the whole process and-"

"Uh. I just need a new Macbook," I interrupted, wiping my eyes. "To replace the old one. And I need it, like, now. Can I not get it now?"

"Oh, of course," he frowned. "I'll get someone for you right away." He returned with a guy named Huckster. Huck for short.

"Let's go take a look at your options," Huck said smoothly. I held out my Macbook. "This is my option," I said. "I need the replacement. The one that costs $1099."

"Fine, fine," Huck replied. "You'll probably want to get this to go along with it." He held out an online backup program, with a $99.99 price tag.

"No," I said. "I don't. I just want the computer."

"If you had had Apple Care," Huck continued, "Your repairs wouldn't have been as expensive. I'm sure you want Apple Care this time around."

I frowned. "How much is Apple Care?"

"$249.99," Huck said quickly.

"No," I said. "I can't afford Apple Care, okay, Huck? Look," I said, lowering my voice. "I just need to get out of here as quickly as possible, before my husband blows a gasket." I pointed to Hubs, who was rubbing his temples over in a corner.

"Okay, okay," Huck said, and disappeared into the back. And really, that's all you need to know, right? I bought a new computer that I couldn't afford. All the money from our tax return that we were supposed to put into our savings account to replenish some of what we hemmorrhaged last year on having a baby, unexpectedly buying a car after our family car was totaled, and a serious illness instead went to buying a computer that we probably don't even need.

Today, I still don't have the computer because Huckster and the Moron are supposedly transferring the hard drive data from my old Macbook to the new one. Once we get both computers back, we're going to try and get the old one fixed at a more reasonable price and make that one the "new" family computer. Our current family computer is a Presario from 1997.

So that's the update. I'm broke and miserable. And I'm totally disgusted by my Apple store "anything for a buck" experience. I feel dirty just thinking about it.

Let's not speak of this again, mkay?