Because I'm, Like, the Best Friend EVER

Dear Friend,

Thank you for telling my husband you're single again, and for informing him that the reason you wanted him to know was that I supposedly told you at a party a couple of months ago that I knew a bunch of "hot, single guys" I could set you up with.

As you can imagine, Hubs was thrilled to hear I had said that. Me? Well, I actually don't remember that conversation at all and frankly suspect you confused me with someone else, but you can bet I assured Hubs IT WAS TOTALLY TRUE. And things haven't exactly been easy for me since my confession.

Now that Hubs knows library story time is a "hot single guy" mecca, you can bet he's going to be asking a whole lot more questions when I tell him I'm taking the kids there. He'll want to know, for example, about that Calvin Klein underwear model who sits up front with the toddlers and laughs really loud at the puppets. Until now, Hubs had always assumed that only parents and children went to storytime. Heh. Sucker.

Hubs also managed to pry from me the mommy secret that children's consignment sales might as well have signs on the door that say, "DAVID BECKHAM LOOKALIKES MEET HERE." I mean, these things are practically infested with hot, single guys, checking out their reflections in Barbie mirrors and searching idly through racks of homemade hair bows. I had a knockdown brawl with one not long ago over a Hanna Andersson dress. He actually cried when I fucked up his bottled man tan with my french manicured claws.

So now you know, my newly single friend, why you can't meet a man. They're too busy dog paddling through the McDonalds ball pits, testing out strollers at Babies R Us, and singing circle songs at Gymboree. But I guess there are a few hot single guys I'm willing to share with you. Let's start with these...

Oh, he's hot all right. And he's most definitely single.

Frankly, I have never seen any man hotter than this guy.

Hot. Hot. Hot.

Check out the size of that pit stain!

This dude is so hot, he has to hide his face so he won't be swarmed by the wimmins.

Yes, I always come through for a friend. Let's get together for lunch soon and we can decide which of these hot, single guys is your best match.

LYLAS,

Lindsay